<cameltoe> Best resignation letter ever:
<cameltoe> Dear Mr X,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a
few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my
direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the
common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying
harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of
our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little
nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into
my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of
precious oxygen. I was hired because I  know how to network
computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide
amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly
attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the
hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly
simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will
also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to
try and explain it to you.........
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for
fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about
you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you
actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked
staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the
blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.
Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting
a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my
resignation.
However, I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is
illegal for you to give me a bad reference. The most you can
say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have
friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to
keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it
on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system,
and I know every password you have used for the last five
years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your
"favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me
"back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like
"Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the company.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of
your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you
were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror n.de.
Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really
are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a
sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter
of reference. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having
to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the reference on my desk
by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of
your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the
public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why?
Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day'.
